Instructions Verb [Latin: ‘Coepi Gramina Metentis’]
Have you ever tried to start a petrol-powered lawnmower? Dads up and
down the land have been frustrated by it.
But you can harness that frustration and turn it into power on the
dancefloor. “I’m the mower starter, the green grass mower starter!”
Origins
On a sunkissed Sunday morn in Springtime 1938, Colonel William W. Williamson
VII of Williams, Arizona, proudly wheeled his petrol-driven Brutus Z2000 lawnmower onto his grassy front patch, for some proper manly hacking action.
This immensely proud WW1 War Veteran focused all of his peacetime
regimentalism on perfecting a gobsmackingly trim croquet
lawn.
However, on this not so fine morning, Colonel Williamson (VII) firmly
pressed his left buffed calvary boot onto the Brutus, whilst sharply yanking
the starter handle upwards and whipping the pull cord, to crank the rotary,
motorised, rotor-motor-mower into life, forthwith, accordingly.
That was the simple battleplan anyway. However, the Colonel rapidly lost
his titanium-like composure after every dud yank.
His feisty frustration was exponentially compounded by a passing army of
Williams Cub Scouts (Arizona), pointing, jeering, cackling, whooping, squealing
& heckling the crusty old army dad, who was repeatedly wrenching a dead looking
lawnmover.
As Colonel-based pride was paramount, William W. Williamson (VII) stiffened
his upper lip and intensified the arm cranking until he passed out.
When he awoke, three days later in Williams ‘William W. Williamson III’
Hospital (Arizona), the first sight that the Colonel saw was his beloved, loyal
& deeply embarrassed wife, advising him that there was absolutely no petrol
in the lawnmower…”twaz drier than an old cream cracker in a heatwave Numbnuts!”.
